I've reached the end boys.

Yamaha YBR 125(Bike used in CDC)

So 2 and a half months have passed in CDC(Comfort Driving Centre)
and i have finally reached my practical lesson 8! The last one..

Prac 1 - Basics of riding, gear changing, braking (1 time)
Prac 2 - Blindspot, signal (1 time)
Prac 3 - Fig-8, crank course, slope (1 time)
Prac 4 - Narrow plank, pylon slalom, E-brake (1 time)
Circuit revision
Prac 5 - 2b Circuit course(Test) (2 times)
Prac 6 - Night riding on road (4 times)
Prac 7 - U-Turn on road, 2b road route (1 time)
Circuit revision
Prac 8 - 2b circuit course, 2b road route(Test) (To be taken)

Traffic police test - (Yet to be booked after everything)

I'm gonna get there someday..

Im gonna make it there someway or another.
It's my passion, i'm gonna live it.

How i feel about you.

Let bygones by bygones..
But here's what i gotta say.

You played my heart.
You played my feelings.
You did not wanna commit.
You stringed me along.
You left me hanging.
You think this is a game.
You want things to go your way.
You want to be the attention.
You want to be noticed.
You want to be loved.
You don't want to love.
You make it others fault.
You never admit your faults.
You live in your own world.
You cannot face reality.
You keep secrets from me.
You never make time for me.
You never make me priority.
You drink too much.
You party too much.
You have too many guy friends.
You cannot compromise.
You cannot talk things out.

And most importantly,
You never showed me what love ever meant.

It's not only me but the people around me.

Friends are aplenty one stays close.
But sometimes its up to you.
To put some magic in the wound.
A friend can only do so much.
Go ahead add that little touch.
The rest is up to you to see.
If you cry or end up on a tree.
I made mistakes once or twice.
I tried to teach you.
but now you pay the price.
I know its tough to win the fight
but this is how you play
the game of life.

I guess i made the right decision..

Since the break up,
I've been having a better life..
I've been more cheerful..
As nothing negative has been on my mind..
I passed my prac 6 with no mistakes.
(I failed it 4 times before)
And coming from me who knows riding
it's shameful to do it 4 times when
others do it once and considering the
fact that i have had 2 years experience
i should not even be doing it more than twice.
I guess sometimes u just get too caught up
in things that it really affects you..
1st failure - Was not focused
2nd failure - Beat flickering green arrow
3rd failure - Beat red light
4th failure - Beat red light
5th pass - No mistakes
I guess this really showed me
how much love screwed me up.
I'm happy i made the right decision
and all the best to myself for
prac 7 on friday =)

Trying to cope..

Some girls think it's easy for guys
to just 'break up' with their gf's..
Girls have the mentality that guys
have no emotions and are heartless
or don't give them a chance BUT
what they cannot see is that
it's something that has to be done
for the better of the 2 parties or
that chances have been given but
just neglected by the girl at the
moment it was given. Girls always
think they're right, guys are wrong
and it's always our fault not theirs.
When things dont go their way,
they blame the whole world. When
things don't go our way for us guys,
oh it's fine cheer up life goes on. I mean
i've had it with this whole concept.
Is there any girl out there that can actually
say "Yes i was wrong" or "It's my fault"
and actually mean it sincerely?

The thing bout my ex gf is,
i felt she was hiding a lot from me..
She was a very secretive girl.
She never wanted to talk things out.
When i ask her whats wrong, it was always nothing..
And so many stories i hear about her from others.
Its like how i see her its not what i hear about her.
And it's very hard for me as a bf to just 'tahan'
because her lifestyle really revolves around guys
and the point she gets drunk and all
i really dont think for a fact that any guy in this world
can take their gf going clubbing and drunk
almost every day of her life with guys around
be it friends or not, im a guy, i know guys.
And bcos of this, every night i lay in bed
wondering if there is another guy in her life
or if some other guy is using her
or if she is entertaining some other guy
and it's hard, the trust is not there.
And if anything happens, the reason she will give
is "oh i was drunk sorry la" but it's bullshit
bcos in the first place, u shd not even be drinking
so much to the point you get drunk. If u do so,
all i can say is u deserve it, its your fault.
But why bring in the points like friends bday or
friend force me? U still need self-discipline.
And if friends force u, i won't even call them friends.
Drinking is to enjoy for leisure and relax
but not to flop on the floor and vomit.
This is a really big factor why i chose to end it.
I need a girl who can be independant.
I need a girl who knows what right and wrong.
I need a girl who knows her limits.
If a girl does all this to a guy,
i guess it merely shows no love or concern
because they think only for themselves.
Seriously sometimes u just to make them aware
of how u feel and what they have done
before they come running back to you
but i guess this time i aint gonna be that sucker
who says ok i forgive you, no i wont do that.
She's gotta sort out her mess before i even consider.

Till we meet again..

I'll go right, you go left. It's only the right thing to do, we gotta get
ourselves back on track and move on with out separate ways.

I ended it.

I ended things off with Wing today.
I just feel it's going nowhere.
I cried viewing past messages.
Which i kept since day 1 every single one.
But here are the reasons..

- She aint gf material
- 2 completely diff people
- Completely diff lifestyles
- I know stuff bout her.
- I feel i'm never a priority
- I know there are other guys
- She does not seem to love me
- Friends more important than me
- She was with me just cos im nice
- There was never any affection
(The list can go on but ill stop here)

She's probably gonna drama tomorrow
like how she already did on twitter
"Got the worst message at the wrong time, prayed
my cab would crash but it didn't"
But i guess its for my own good.
Instead of suffering and enduring all the bullshit.

Another beginning,..

So school started aready
Semester 2.1 in temasek poly..
Things are pretty much different
from what they used to be..

- Started 2.1 with a girlfriend
- Different classes for almost everything
- Teachers are equally gay
- Almost to my bike license
-etc

And today wannabe Mohammad Ali
stared at me god knows how many times!
Man i'll break his gay ass face one day
"You may look like me, but u aint never gonna be like me"
"Wannabe gangster ass!"
(Quoted from Drumline)
So what u in boxing now big fuck?
Oh wait, fat people can be in boxing?
Not happy come, anytime i'll fuck u up
I'll make you smell the ICU bitch!
And cut your hair u POSER!

Butterfly Kisses - Westlife

There's two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she's
daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
In all that I've done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.

But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not
sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over...gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry!"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.

Aprilla RS-125

KTM giving me so many problems!!
Leaked 2 times already despite $100 servicing!
Dad is damn pissed off and wants to sell it off
So i guess my Pastrana dreams are gone..
But my Valentino Rossi dreams are still here!
Meet my hope-to-be-future-bike
APRILIA RS-125

When parents were gone..

So mum went to germany
Dad went to work
Both not in singapore
= PARTY! =)

I had 5 days 4 nights clear
no nagging
no pestering
no paranoia
no RULES!

So first 3 nights i stayed home
Then 4th night went over to Vann's
which is at like Chinese Gardens
Hell far but god damn worth it!
Reached there about 12 midnight
then watch 2 movies before sleeping
Ruiyi, Danny and me slept over
So next day supposedly is go home day
but NOOOOOOO have to do some more
went to Danny's house slack there till 6
then went Ngee Ann poly to crash sis's camp
acted as 'Ghosts' for nightwalk bla bla
then went back around 1..
Chit-chat then watched saw then all fell asleep
then got up at 1 plus, smoke, order macs
then at like 3pm i finally left to make
my long ass journey home from west to east.
I would call it a 3 day 2 night camp
instead of a sleepover, lol

After taking a shower at night i looked in the mirror
and went like "omg i got fatter"
So decided to take a night jog cum workout
around my neighbourhood, felt good man
then i had the moment to rejoin taekwondo
cos then at least i have something to do
and at least some form of exercise..
We'll not too sure bout it yet..

'ME' Day..

So i made today ME DAY!
I dedicated this day to me
and what i like to do..
And like Ris Low said,
"It's all about me, YESSS, Me.."
hahahah
Woke up at 12.30pm
Ate lovely sambal prawns with rice
then computer the usual stuff..
Call Jeeva and Waran up
Play nice music on my stereo
Then rented Exorcist from Video Ezy
Watched and ate cup noodles
Then went down to play some soccer
something i have not done in MONTHS!
Then had a few games of dota..

It's been long since i had 'me' time
life in school is so hectic then the rest
of the time is used on friends/girls
it felt great! And tmr is my prac 6 retake
I hope today has cleared my mind
and i wish myself the best for tomorrow!

I had a dream..

So i had a dream just now before i got up.
This rich chinese guy came up to me
and said,
"Boy i know u need money, go buy 4D,
0910, take care"
He ruffled my hair and went off.

Then i woke up.
Should i believe in this?
Where did 0910 even come from?
It's not even a number in my life.
Oh well..

I'm trying to cope..

As the days go by
we're drifting further apart
i really dont know whats wrong
or whats her problem
if you dont love me, say it
and not drag this shit on
stop wasting my time
it's making me go insane
it's affecting my life
i got a bike prac on wednesday
i cant afford to daydream
like last week cos we argued
and fail it again
my bike dreams are calling me
i aint gonna screw it up.

It's affecting me ALOT!

I dont know what to do anymore.
Things just are kinda 'stalled'?
I love her so much.
I dont feel she loves me.
We'll i know she loves me.
But not in the normal way.
Probably just cos i care.
or cos im nice.
There is no physical attraction.
I know im not her type for looks.
I just dont know what im doing.
The dots have been connected.
It's all pretty much clear to me now.
I'm just there cos im there.

well whatever man,

On that very day when i asked you the question, that was the day i was expecting a whole new chapter in my life. And i wont say you gave the chance to me, but i gave you a chance for once to actually get a nice guy who will actually be there, entertain the emotions, and most importantly be loyal to you. I guess you just don't appreciate me, no one ever did, you're all the same. Every girl i have liked/loved took me for granted, thinking i will be there clinging on no matter what cos im nice and all that bullshit. I guess that chance was a mistake, probably one of the biggest mistakes i ever made. Despite so many people telling me i deserve better and not to go for someone like you, i still decided to go for it because i believe in giving people a chance. You said you changed, you said you aint like what you were in the past, but how can i believe that? Everything im seeing is exactly what people warned me to watch out for. When you said yes to the question, i expected devotion, i expected sacrifice, compromising, but no, i did not get nothing. You were just that same old girl, out every night, clubbing, drinking, socialising. I know how you told me so many times, "oh its my lifestyle, it's hard to change" but any human being who really loves the other party, would alter their life for the better of both people. I wont even consider our 27 days a relationship, it was a joke. All the reasons you gave me, bout my sis and germaine affecting you and my mum and your past and all that. Nothing should affect a relationship is you love someone. And i know, i KNOW you dont love me for the person i am on the outside. I know i'm not the kind of guy you would ever go for, from my dressing to my attitude to my personality. I am a bum, i am a slacker but so what? love should not be based on what i am or what i wanna be or what i want for a career in future. I know we are worlds apart, we are completely opposites. U hate bikes to the core but it happens to be my love, so what can be done bout that? Im not asking you to sit behind, im not asking you to pay for it, im not asking you to cry if i get into an accident. I do it on my own account and i take responsibility for it. When we talked for about an hour yesterday i asked you if u really loved me, it took you so long just to answer me "yes..... Youre nice what". Is that the kind of reply a bf would wanna hear? The yes sounded like a forced yes cos im on the phone. And when i asked so you only love me because im nice? and you said "yah youre nice what". If only i could cry when i heard that, but no it's not worth. You do not make me a priority at all. Your social life and friends mean loads more i know, it's ok. I dont even know them. I dont even know if you do anything with them. You can't even sacrifice one night to come to my area and maybe sit by the beach, no u cant. Reason? "It's far and i dont have a straight bus home. Don't you cab everywhere? If its clubbing or drinking sure midnight charge no problem. I came back from Bali have not seen u more than a week, until today actually i have not seen u since i came back, why? youre sleeping because of all the shit u do or you rather go out with friends. 2 days in a row you said it was for me, you said we'll go out, but no call, no message only on the second day night u texted me saying why i never msg u whole day? is it my fucking duty to start every single message every single day? that shows you dont care. You say im sensitive, i think too much, but look at what youre doing to me, you dont even act gf material when youre with me. I'm looking for a commitment relationship, an honest relationship, and this is totally not it. And when i go, i will go for good. So stop living in lalaland thinking life is a bed of roses and every night is party night. Once day reality will hit you smack in the face and you'd be so unprepared. It's a real world out there and everything does not revolve around how you feel and what makes you happy. So pull yourself together, i'm done.